Loss, Grief & Bereavement
Grief is a deeply personal response to losing someone or something important to us. It doesn't follow a set timetable or unfold in a particular order. You might experience sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness, disbelief or longing — sometimes several feelings at once. At other times, you may feel very little and wonder why you're not grieving in the way you expected. Grief can also affect sleep, concentration, relationships and your ability to manage everyday life.
When Loss Changes Everything
The heaviness of grief can sometimes feel all-consuming. Loss can affect much more than the absence of a person. It can change everyday routines, relationships, roles, plans for the future and even your sense of who you are. Sometimes it is the ordinary things that are missed most — a conversation, a familiar sound, a shared routine or simply knowing that person was there. Grief can also begin before someone has died. If someone you love is seriously ill, approaching the end of their life or changing because of illness, you may already be grieving what has changed while also anticipating what may lie ahead. Caring for someone while carrying your own fear, sadness and uncertainty can be incredibly difficult.
Grief isn't limited to bereavement. We can grieve many different kinds of loss — the end of a relationship or friendship, miscarriage or baby loss, fertility difficulties, changes in our health or abilities, the loss of a career or role, or changes within our family. Sometimes the loss can be harder to name. You may find yourself grieving the life you thought you would have, a future you had imagined, or something you hoped for that hasn't happened in the way you expected. This can include hopes or expectations you once held for yourself, your family or your child's future.
These experiences can carry their own sadness, anger, guilt and uncertainty, particularly when other people don't fully recognise what has been lost. Whatever has brought you here, you don't need to compare your experience with anyone else's or know how you're supposed to feel. We can begin with your experience as it is.
Taking the first step
You don't need to wait until grief has reached a particular point before considering therapy. Your loss may be recent or many years ago, you may be anticipating a loss that hasn't yet happened, or you may simply be beginning to recognise how much something has affected you. You also don't need to know what you want to say. Sometimes having somewhere to begin is enough. I offer a free 15–20 minute introductory call where you can tell me a little about what has brought you to therapy, ask any questions you may have and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
How therapy can help with Loss, Grief & Bereavement
Therapy isn't about taking grief away or helping you to “get over” someone or something that mattered to you. It can offer somewhere to speak openly about your loss and everything that has come with it. Sometimes that may mean talking about the person you've lost and the memories you hold. At other times, it might involve anger, guilt, unanswered questions, changes within your family or relationships, or simply trying to understand how life feels now.
There may also be feelings that are difficult to say aloud. You might feel relieved as well as devastated, angry with someone who has died, guilty about something said or left unsaid, or unsure about your own response to the loss. Therapy can make space for these experiences without placing expectations on what your grief is supposed to look like.
Our work may also involve finding ways to carry the relationship, memories and significance of what has been lost while adjusting to a life that has changed. Grief and living don't have to be opposites. You can continue to grieve and carry the love and significance of the person you have lost, while gradually allowing more of life to exist alongside your grief.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief & Bereavement Therapy
Grief doesn't follow a set timetable. When someone has been important to us, the love, memories and significance of that relationship don't simply disappear, and grief may remain part of our lives too. The heaviness of grief can sometimes feel all-consuming, particularly when a loss is new. With time, there may begin to be moments when grief doesn't take up quite as much space. This doesn't lessen the significance of your loss or what that person means to you. Rather than needing grief to disappear, life can gradually begin to grow around it. Grief may come closer again at different times. An anniversary, a familiar song, a place, a smell or an unexpected memory can bring the loss close again. At other times, it may sit more quietly alongside the rest of your life. Both can be true — you can continue to grieve while also continuing to live your life.
Guilt can sometimes appear when you notice that grief isn't at the forefront of your mind in quite the same way, or when life begins to take up more space again. This doesn't mean that you have forgotten the person or that your loss matters any less. Therapy can give you space to explore these feelings and what they mean to you, without expecting you to leave your grief or the person you loved behind.
There is no expiry date on grief. A loss from many years ago can still affect you, and sometimes feelings emerge differently as our lives and circumstances change. You can come to therapy to talk about a loss regardless of how much time has passed.
Guilt can become a painful part of grief. You may replay conversations, decisions or moments and find yourself thinking about what you could have said or done differently. Therapy can provide space to explore these thoughts with compassion and consider them within the fuller context of your relationship and what was happening at the time.
Yes. This is sometimes described as anticipatory grief. When someone you love is seriously ill or approaching the end of their life, you may find yourself grieving changes that are already happening while also living with uncertainty about what is still to come. You may be caring for the person at the same time, which can bring its own mixture of love, responsibility, exhaustion, fear and sometimes guilt. Therapy can provide somewhere for your experience to have space too.
No. Grief can follow many different kinds of loss. You may be grieving the end of a relationship or friendship, a miscarriage or baby loss, fertility difficulties, changes in health or ability, a career or role, changes within your family, or a future that you had imagined for yourself or someone you love. Sometimes these losses aren't easily recognised by other people, which can make them feel particularly lonely. Your loss doesn't need to fit a particular definition for us to explore what it has meant to you.
Yes. Not every loss is something we can easily point to or explain to other people. Sometimes we grieve an imagined future — plans we had for ourselves, expectations around becoming a parent, changes in our health or circumstances, or hopes we held for our family or a child's future. It is possible to value and love the life and relationships you have while also experiencing feelings about what you once imagined might be different. Both experiences can exist alongside each other.
It can be understandable to worry that talking about your loss might bring feelings closer that you've been trying hard to manage. You won't be expected to tell your whole story at once. We can take things at a pace that feels manageable, allowing space for memories, feelings and experiences as you feel able to share them.